newtons third law

yesterday I had an expansive day. I met my edge, pushed right up against it, and then I plowed right through the fence until I reached the open fields beyond. I had escaped into a new life where I was the version of myself I dream of being every single day.

however, today I feel like a fern at midnight, curling in on itself in protection. I am living through newtons third law, questioning everything I thought I knew in the golden light of the day before.

but there is a balance in this oscillation that feels nourishing in an essential way. it’s like yesterday I ran a marathon, and if I keep on running all day again today, eventually I will land an injury that will force me to my knees. in this stillness I am growing; remembering that muscles don’t become stronger without having days where they aren’t asked to strain.

this evening I laid my belly on the earth and watched the sun set between the blades of grass. I spoke out loud to myself of the praise I wanted to receive from others, as I let my fingers search for the bright green moss under the combed golden strands of the earth’s crown.

I walked through the alleyways and stopped to gaze at the moon. I watched the pair of crows building their nest in the spruce, listening to the robin singing from the electrical wire.

slowly, I expanded still. but instead of running into the fields beyond, I was moving deeply into the earth around my physical form.

yesterday I was both the excited child and the mature adult moving into the world with confidence. today I am both the stable parent, taking a moment to decompress so I am ready to meet the next wave, and the child who is fearful of change and vulnerability.

I am homeostasis, living through dynamic equilibrium; learning to accept and lean into both sides of the same coin in order to remain whole.